I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
