my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
