I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
