i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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