i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
