Can i not drive my cunt home
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
