hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
