i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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