im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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