You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
