Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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