I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
