i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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