So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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