im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
