Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
