Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
