Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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