I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
