I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize