My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
