it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
