Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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