Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
