I think I died a long time ago.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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