I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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