I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
