this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
