i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
