I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
