i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
