so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
