What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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