glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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