You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
