just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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