Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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