Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
