a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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