That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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