I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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