I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
