The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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