Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
be right there i have to get my cape
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize