Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
