Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
