He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
