9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
