You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
