So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
