Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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