Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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