Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
