Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
