he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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