I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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