Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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