Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
