I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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