he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
