I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
