You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I need moral support for this bender
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
