I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize