i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
