it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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