She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So squirting runs in the family.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
