the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
